Wednesday, June 11, 2008


Okay not that #2! I mean yeah we are still in the early days of being toilet trained but no this post is not about poop.

Lucky for you.

No this post is about how do you know your ready for kid #2?

Do you just wake up one day and decide, "Gee I think I'll throw out that pack of birth control pills and see if I get lucky this month hubby's swimmers?

Or is it a slower decision one that you ponder for days, weeks, months even trying to decide if the stars have aligned and that you are now ready to bring another screaming child into the world?

I have had this inner debate with myself for months. Do I want more children?

Am I satisfied with one? Do I only want another child because I feel it is the "normal" thing to do? It seems as though having just one child is often a cliche thing that people think there should be an even number of kids.

Am I scared to have another child? Do I think I'll get sick again? Will Bean be sad about having another kid around?

So readers tell me, when did you know it was time for #2? How did you come to that decision? Was it planned or did you throw caution to the wind?

Note: Let me add that until our house is sold (which may NEVER happen!!) that we will still religously use birth control!!!


Tranny Head said...

Man - the thought of being preggo again makes me shudder. But that beign said, we're going to try for #2 when hubby is back from Iraq.

I'd suggest making damn sure that your relationship is solid with hubby before you go for #2 . . . and that you're in the house and city you want to be in first!!!

Catwoman said...

I just clicked through to your birth story, and I bawled my eyes out through half of it.

I don't know if you've been reading me long enough to know this, but I had HELLP Syndrome with Little Man too.

And when I came home and Sweetie Pie read everything he could about it, he told me I couldn't have any more children, that chances were I'd have it again. I think I might have thrown something at his head and called him an a-hole for telling me this when I was sitting with my 3-day old baby at home.

When I started thinking about another child, I found the best practice in town that I could, that had delivered other HELLP women. I sat in her office and cried my eyes out. Told her I wanted another child more badly than anything in the world, but that if there was any chance that I could die, I wasn't willing to do it, because of Little Man.

I had it at 38 weeks. You and I are the lucky ones, we develop it later than most women (average is 23-25 weeks).

This is the world's longest comment, so I'll stop here, but feel free to email me at at

You have no idea how much it means to me to read another Mama who's been through the same scare as me.

Motherhood for Dummies said...

we have been talking about a second one already and ours in only 8 months. I raelly hated being prego so I am in no hurry to get in THAT situation again.

But I think of a sibling for Lucy and I get excited for her. Plus the idea of having another person I love this much.. sounds good.

We are going to wait till hubby graduates at least. We don't want him working full time, school full time, two kids and a wife. So we will wait till then and THEN think about having a second. Espesially since Lucy was an opps baby... we really want to plan this one right and good :) said...

Holy shit. My next post is in the works on the exact same topic. And, Shamelessly Sassy was supposed to do it today, too. Crazy.

Having never been on pills, I don't know how that works, but I know biting the bullet is just about the scariest thing I can think of right about now.

Kellan said...

It is a big decision and I think you just know it. I have 4 kids and I pretty much knew I wanted them at the time we decided to try - except for my last - she was a surprise - yet, she is my JOY! I think you will know when the time is right.

Take care - Kellan

Nap Warden said...

I had such a hard time getting pregnant with #1, that we just thought we'd not do anything and see what happened...15 months later, hello Little Man. I was terrified of having two babies, now I can't imagine it any other way:)

OHmommy said...

I don't think you are ever ready. Seriously.

You will never regret adding another little person to your family, but if you don't you might always regret not having another one.

I like to live my life with as little many regrets as possible.

Does this make any sense? Cause I am a little sleep deprived having three children 5 and under. Oh vey.

Danielle said...

I have been pondering the same question a lot lately. I even did a blog about it a while back. I was very sad after Eliza was born and unable to brestfeed which left me feeling like a failure. I exlcusively pupped for 4 months and then it was just too much for me. I don't want to experience that extreme sadness again. But, I don't want to wait too long. I need to get DH on board. I read your birth story and it was very moving. This is such a tough decision- I am not really sure how one makes it.

Lori said...

for me it was an easy decision to have #2 because well... a) I wanted my children close in age, b) I'm no spring chicken and didn't want to wait so long that I'd be considered at risk, and c) well... my hubby and I were ready

I think you have to sit down with your hubby and talk about it, see where he is on the whole thing, where you are and where the middle ground is

good luck

Hyphen Mama said...

I always figured if I had one, I'd have two. Mostly because Mr Hyphen is an only child and he has NO FUNNY sibling stories. My brother (who I love to hate) and I have a jillion stories from when we were kids and he beat the hell out of me.

I was NOT looking forward to being pregnant again. I hated being pregnant. HATED it because I was sick all 9 months. I was afraid if I waited too long, I'd chicken out.

I figured I'd want to be pregnant during Wynnie's second year so she wouldn't be too much older than her sibling. It took 3 months of diligent trying to get pregnant with #2. Wynnie was 2 years 10 months when Mack was born.

That's my story. There will be NO #3.

Mommy Mechanics said...

I think you never really know that the time is right or at least most people don't know. But whenever it happens or when you choose to stop the birth control it will just all work out and some how the time will just
be right.

Keri said...

We had always set out to have atleast two. We didn't want an only child for ourselves. But i must say... one child to me now seems like a walk in a spring park compared to having a toddler and a teething baby. Some days i have to sit quietly and ask myself... what the hell?? did i have two for me or for them??
I guess it really depends on yourselves. Do you deal well with chaos? But super enjoy large huggie families??
I always wanted three, and although the factory hasn't been terminated... it is on shut down.
Esp. since Ava bean was one month early and Gman was 2 mths early with 6 mths bedrest. What the christ would i be siging myself up for with the 3rd??

Poltzie said...

Yep, I'm having this debate with myself right now. I want another already and I can't even belive that. We want ours close in age and while I know it will be rough in the beginning I'm hoping it will be easier in the long run.
As soon as Chicken is sleeping through the night we are going to be back in the saddle again. This is not a logical choice and it is all about emotions!

Poltzie said...

Yep, I'm having this debate with myself right now. I want another already and I can't even belive that. We want ours close in age and while I know it will be rough in the beginning I'm hoping it will be easier in the long run.
As soon as Chicken is sleeping through the night we are going to be back in the saddle again. This is not a logical choice and it is all about emotions!

ummmhello said...

BIG topic here today! We talked about how many kids we wanted before we got married. But after having the first, I put the brakes on because we just weren't ready for more. When we decided to have another, it just "felt" right. We still didn't own a house, I wasn't finished with school.... but we felt we were ready to do it again. I read lots of books about transitioning from "a couple with a baby" to a "family of 4" - and I worried about the effect on my older son. Would everything he was entitled to in life suddenly be cut in half by the little interloper?? Would he be resentful? Or would he be lonely without siblings? Would he *wish* he'd had a sibling, as I always had?
In the end, we talked A LOT about scenarios, hypotheticals, concerns, fears - and realized that having another child would add much more happiness than stress. So, maybe it was a complex mathimatical solution!
Good luck with your soul searching :)

Colleen said...

I was lucky to have an easy pregnancy and relatively easy delivery (helps when your pelvis is as wide as Ohio), so I was ready to have another one when Gavin was only about a year or so. But I wanted them to be about 3 years apart or so, so that at least I wouldn't be trying to manage two little ones at once. Once Gavin was getting close to 2 yrs, hubby and I talked about it...took quick inventory of what we'd need, what we could reuse, what we could do without (financially especially since we more than doubled daycare tuition), and in March of '06 we started trying (and trying and trying). Took till October for me to get pg since someone was always working late and not home to make babies. :) But it worked out fine...I again had a good pregnancy (better since my body didn't seem to fight it as much), good delivery, and Cooper was born about 6 weeks after Gavin's 3rd birthday.

And now that Cooper is nearly his 1st birthday, I've been bugging Justin about a 3rd baby because I feel like there is just one more baby in Heaven waiting to be in our family. But like before, I want to wait because this 3-year diff between our boys has been perfect (and I could go on and on in if you really want to know, but since Bean is already like 3-1/2 it's not one of your concerns, I'm assuming). If you always talk to your older child about the new baby in a really positive light, like how they can help the baby (and that the baby isn't replacing them), they seem to do really well.
On a final note, I agree with Tranny Head that you'll want to be sure that you and Bud are Good, and like you said, that your house/work/living arrangements are in order.

Hyphen Mama said...

Oh yeah... and even though Wynnie was almost 3 when Mack came along, it totally rocked her world and it took her MONTHS to get used to having a baby. She'd ask if we could "take him back". It won't be easy for Bean in the beginning, and will take time. But then again, he's a boy and he may not even notice.