Monday, October 27, 2008

Kids = Large Ego

You know that new commercial about the Volkswagen van commercial with Brooke Shields? You know where she states to not have a baby just for German engineering?

I am thinking I need to make a commercial. But my commercial will have a new approach. It will be why you SHOULD have kids. Main reason? Your ego.

That’s right. Your ego. I have decided that since I have given birth that my once larger than life ego has become so large I am shocked I can make it in the door.

Now I am sure some of you are scratching your heads thinking, “Um no actually my ego is down since after I had a baby I got this freak show of a body.”
I understand that. My body, I admit, will never look the same. BUT if like me you gained a gazillion few more pounds than you planned when you were pregnant since you took it as your one chance to order not one, but TWO large value meals at McDonalds and no one would look at you like you were a big fat pig hungry but PREGNANT, (not that I ever did this) Ahem, moving on.
Anyways if you DID gain a bunch of weight than you lost it like I did that right there is your first ego boost.
“Oh my! YOU had a baby? I never would have guessed you are SO thin.”

Of course if you didn’t lose the weight no worries there are other ego boosts to having a kid.
Case in point, the other day I was getting ready for work and Bean came around the corner. “Mommy you are SO pretty. Just like a princess.”
Yes I know I hugged him so hard and then slipped a 20 in his back pocket so he’ll know to keep those compliments coming.
What? Your kid never says you’re a princess? Hmmmm well how about this one.

I was cooking chili the other day and Bean came up and said, “What are you making?” I told him chili and he looked unimpressed.
Later when we were eating the chili Bean said, “Mommy you make the BEST chili ever. I love it!”

Ah yes. And I love the compliments.

Not a cooker you say? Well then this is my last shot to help you out.

Over the weekend Bean and I went shopping at a local outlet. There were people everywhere (um slow economy? Not at the outlet apparently) and I kept thinking that I was surrounded by morons.
Well this guy almost hit me but I managed to avoid him.
Bean piped up from the back, “Mommy! That man is a BAD driver. I am so glad you are a good driver.”
Ah yes apparently he has forgotten my little speeding incident from a few weeks ago.
What can I say? The kid remembers what he wants too.

So there you have it. Having a kid is the greatest ego booster ever. Even better than dare I say a new pair of shoes. After all the shoes can make you feel good but the kid tells you that you look good.
So I wonder who I can have in my commercial. Maybe Kate from the Jon & Kate show?

Thursday, October 16, 2008

No stork lies here

So, I think Bean is going to be a doctor some day. Or a very confused kid. I’m not sure yet. I’ll have to see if I am paying for med school or psychologist.
Are you confused yet? Let me explain.

Bean loves to watch Discovery Health. My mom said it isn’t a good idea for him to watch it but I figure it’s educational. Blood does not seem to faze that kid. Well unless it’s his blood. That’s different.

Bean is actually quite interested in the baby shows. You know Birth Story? Well I should have known that all of this would lead to the question. You know THE QUESTION.

“Mommy where do babies come from?” Bean asked.
“Ummmm well they are made by God (thankfully he asked this AFTER we started going to church.). I replied
“How does God make them Mommy?” Bean asked.
“He just...does.” Oh man this is TOUGH!
“How do they get in your tummy?”he asked again
“Ummm…God puts them there.” I stammered.
“Why?”he asked
“Because when God makes them they are VERY small and need to grow.” I answered.
“Oh but why does the Mommy get them?”Bean wondered.
“Because our belly stretches.” I replied.
Bean puffs out his belly.
“Mine does too Mommy.” Bean said.
“Well a Mommy’s can stretch REALLY big.” I answered.
“Oh, was I in YOUR belly Mommy?” Bean asked.
“Yes baby you were a long time ago.” I said, kind of sadly.
“Yes I was in there, I remember.”
“You do?”
“Mmmmhmmm, can I go back in there Mommy?”
“Uh no, you won’t fit.”
Then I turned on Max and Ruby. This subject had to change!!!

Men spend 9 months trying to get out and the rest of their lives trying to get back in. Next time this comes up - it is all Bud.

Monday, October 13, 2008

Are you there God? It's me Bean.

Well after deciding we no longer wanted to be considered heathens the hubs and I decided to start taking Bean to church.
Part of the reasoning was not only to not be classified as heathens but the reasoning also stemmed from a conversation that Bean and I had a few weeks prior to our first visit to church.

It was a cloudy, rainy day
(Sounds like a bad novel start)

Bean: Momma, I want to go outside and play on my 4-wheeler.
Me: Bean, sweetie, maybe today isn’t a good day for that.
Bean: Why?
Me: Well it is raining outside.
Bean: Oh. Why is it raining outside?
Me: Well honey I guess God decided we need rain today.
Bean: I hate God.
Me: BEAN! Don’t ever say that. That is terrible.
Bean: Well I do.

So this is turn led me to realize that Bean just did not know who God was. We were never die-hard Christians going to church with him so to Bean, God was just some guy that decided to make it rain when he wanted to ride his 4-wheeler.
The nerve.

So before my child started to sound like the Anti-Christ off to church we went.
I had little hope for Bean since he would have to sit still for an hour. Unless Max and Ruby is on T.V. then the child will sit there with his eyeballs firmly fixed to the screen. (This is a WONDERFUL thing when Mommy is getting ready for work)
So we get to church.
Bean is wide-eyed looking around the worship area. We sit in our pew and Bean is still wide-eyed.
I begin to wonder if his eyes will get stuck in that position.
Then the pastor comes to the pulpit (we are Baptist – just so you know!), and begins the welcome and announcements. Then we sing.
Bean looks perplexed and then hears the word “holy” in the song and proceeds to sing that word over and over again.
Hey singing is singing.
Then we have prayer. Bean looks around at everyone’s head bent over and asks “Mommy what are you doing?”
I gently told him “shhhh”. Ever notice that in those quiet moments that your child’s “whisper” seems SO noisy???
Anyways, we then had offering and the money plate was passed. Bean looked impressed at the dollars inside. Thankfully he didn’t try to swipe one.
Then we had the sermon.
Bean shifted around in his seat quite a bit but for the most part he was VERY good throughout the service.
Bud and I were shocked.

Later, on the way home he said, “Mommy, I love God.”
“Well that is great to hear.” I told him.
“Mommy did you know that God is so cute, and he wears pants and shoes like Daddy.”
“Mmmmm.” I replied.
“Mommy did you know that God is right there (he pointed to our back deck) sitting on the table?”
“Really?” I asked.
“Yes, he is right there and he loves me.”

Makes you wonder if that study that children can see things adults can't is true or not.

Friday, October 10, 2008

That's my stapler...

Wow. I have truly been SLACKING lately.
I have been slacking for several reasons.
1. Moving. Can we just say moving sucks? I mean really. You would think I had it a bit easier since we were going back to our old house but um, no. Of course adding to the wack job of a move, other contributing factors have made it not a simple task. Read on for clarification.
2. New job. Yeah. So I was so worried about not getting a job. Well I got one and am pretty happy that I did considering the sad state of the economy. Can I just say I am GLAD I am not a: realtor, stockbroker, banker, politician right now??????? (er, sorry if that applies to anyone)
But I am back with the company I was with down south and so far things are good. Except for the fact that I am in a cubicle again. Yeah.
Do you know I have not been in a cube for over 4 years? It sucks. No privacy whatsoever. So don’t fart, burp, take too many personal phone calls or pick your nose since you never know who could pop their little head around the corner.
However being in a cube reminds me so much of Office Space. Haha! Or of being a gopher or prairie dog.
3. Bud is out of town.
You single moms, wives of military men or wives of men who just travel A LOT? I applaud you. I honest too God do. Bud has been gone for three weeks. I am just not used to doing things alone. And of course it leads me to realize that yes, Bud must do something around here since I am so friggin tired. I am not sure if this pleases me or not yet. I’ll get back to you.

But I am going to start making my rounds again. I hope to “see” some of you again soon. And I am working on a pretty cute Bean post. So hopefully this will be the last update post. I admit they are kinda dry.