Thursday, February 28, 2008

A day in my shoes

So law student hot mama inspired me to write this post about a day in my shoes.

So here is a day in the life of a working mom with a toddler.

6:00 a.m. - Alarm goes off. I smack the crap out of it since I am technically not ready to drag my butt out of the nice warm bed.

6:30 a.m. - Alarm goes off again. Bud nudges me and tells me to get up. I mutter, "Hell no." but drag my butt out of bed, not before untangling the sleeping toddler next to me that wandered in around 4:30 that morning.

6:32 - Trudge to the bathroom and turn shower on. Sit on the toilet to pee and start to fall back asleep.

6:34 - Realize that Bean could awaken at any moment so jump in shower to achieve goal of getting ready before the super grump gets up.

6:40 - Bathroom door opens. Bean stumbles in rubbing eyes and giving me the meanest face ever.

6:42 - Hop out of shower, talking softly to Bean since like his momma is not a morning person.

6:44 - After attempting to dry self with toddler strapped to leg, walk in bedroom and turn Sesame Street on for Bean. Get sippy cup and snack for him. Head back to bathroom to finish getting ready.

6:47 - While brushing teeth, putting on lotion, combing wet hair, Bean decides he needs more drink. NOW!

6:50 - Attempt to dry hair, takes longer than usual since I have to turn the dryer off every 2 minutes to answer a question that Bean has.

7:10 - After taming hair with dryer and flat iron and sweating ass off in hot bathroom attempt to get dressed.

7:15 - Still attempting to get dressed but interrupted by Bean several times to answer questions on what Elmo is doing.

7:20 - After dressing self and finding something that does not make my butt look big attempt to get Bean dressed.

7:25 - Bean is arguing with me that he wants Cars underwear not Thomas. DUH!

7:30 - Bean and I struggle down the stairs to get shoes on. Have to stop to give both dogs kisses and hugs from both Bean and myself. Bean tells them to be good and he will see them later. (yes he has to do this everyday)

7:35- Cheer myself that we are out of the house on time. Load Bean in car.

7:36 - Realize I forgot Bean's change of clothes, my cell phone and purse. Get pissed and walk back inside.

7:38 - Can not find any of above items. Realize I put Bean's clothes in car last night. Purse is hanging on kitchen chair (how the hell did it get there?) and cell phone is MIA.

7:40 - Bud finds my cell. Under a pile of laundry. Nice.

7:42 - Get back in car to leave. Bean announces he needs to pee. Sigh. Unbuckle him and take him BACK inside.

7:45 - Back in the car and drive down the road.

8:00 - Arrive at school. Drop off Bean and give him 100 kisses and tell him I love him to pieces. He tells me to, "Go to work now." Nice kid.

8:10 - Walk into work, exhausted already.

Yep that's my day in a nutshell. Evenings are a whole other post.

Tuesday, February 26, 2008

Yep still no binky

So we still have not found the lost binky. Which is good in a way since Bean doesn't want it. I don't want to find it to give back to him. I want to find it before HE finds it and thinks binky returned to him.
I hope our three legged wonder pup ate it. Yeah our dog has three legs. He is such a cute little thing. He was hit by a car when he was 7 months old and had nerve damage that caused him to drag his leg so it had to be removed. But that does not slow him down. That pup can move. He is a real sweetie too. We have another dog, who is a huge version of a three legged one. But he has all of his limbs.
Biscuit, the big one was my first child. He was great practice for kids since he requires an insane amount of attention. He also thinks he is a lap dog. A 100 pound lap dog.
But enough about my furry kids.
So the binky is history. This is the longest Bean has ever gone without it so I am sure he is done with it.
Last night we were laying in my bed watching Bambi, or as Bean insists on calling it, Band-Aid. Yeah I have no idea how he got that one either.
But we were watching it and Bud was like, "There isn't much to this movie is there?" I said no this was right after silent movies were a huge hit. Besides I think Disney was still toying with the idea of talking animals being taken seriously.
So we watched it, and I cried when his mom died. I always do. I hate that part. Why did the mom have to die? I mean the dad was old it was his time. It pisses me off how Disney loves to kill the mom off.
But I digress. I told Bean that the mom was out looking for food. I didn't want him to know the harsh truth yet.
Other than that it was a relatively quiet night. For once!

Monday, February 25, 2008

Goodbye Binky

Big sigh - well we are done with the binky I think. I am not sure if it upsets me or Bean more. I had been planning for months on how I would do it. I received great advice from other moms in my position and I was going ot put it all to good use. One day.
Well one day came yesterday. Bean lost his binky for the millionth time. Seriously I look for that thing all the time. Well last night I looked everywhere and it really seemed to have disappeared.
Or my one dog who has an incentuous appetie for binkys ate it.
So I was at my wits end. I was tired from a long weekend. My kid was whining for the binky and I really could not find it.
So Bud walked in and asked what the problem was. He sat down with Bean and said, "Buddy I think this is binky's way of leaving you. He knew that it was time to go since you are a big boy now. You don't need him anymore."
Bean looked at Bud and said, "Okay."
That was it. Why couldn't I have done that 6 months ago.
Well I was waiting for the meltdown at bedtime. It never came. Bean asked for it one time and I told him Binky left for his new home.
That was it. He went to sleep.
I am still in total shock over this. It can't be this easy. Can it? I am sad since this was my selfish way to keep him a baby. I hate this. Why does it have to go by so fast?!
I am sure that tonight will be the true test.

On another note - thank to all that voted for me in the story contest! I had one rude commenter but I made sure to leave her an equally rude comment. Hmph.

Friday, February 22, 2008


It's my son's sex story! Thanks!

Dear Toymakers of the World.

I am going to make this a generalized letter since I find all brands at fault, Mattel, Little Tikes, Leap Pad - all of you.
Let me first say that most of the time I appreciate you all. My child does need something to occupy him when I am not in the mood to play doctor for the zillionth time. So you do provide me my much needed down time. But I do have a few complaints or suggestions if you will that you should begin to take into account when designing future toys.

  1. When creating the toys please note the repetitive sounds that they make. Then ask yourself WOULD I like to hear that sound over and over and over again. Maybe take it home and have your child try it out on you. While you have a migraine. Just try it and if you can tolerate it for several hours at a time whilst the toy is directly in your ear or being slammed on your head, then by all means put it on the shelves.
  2. Please, for the love of god make the battery covers easy to take off for parents. There is nothing worse than a screeching child wanting to play with a beloved toy while you are frantically trying to figure out if you need a philips head or a flat head. Then you realize you need none of the above, you need a ratchet.
  3. Create all of your toys with an OFF button. Preferably a switch one, not one that looks like the rest of the buttons on the toy. When I need peace at night I want to turn the damn thing off. It also helps for not scaring the poo out of me when it decides to go off at 3am.
  4. Lastly, when designing the boxes that will hold your toys please do not zip tie everything and then SCREW it into the box. It is a pain in the ass, especially on Christmas Eve and Day when I am trying like a mad woman to get the thing out for junior to play with.

That is all for now. I hope my suggestions assist you in your future design efforts. On a closing note if you choose not to follow these ahem suggestions then please do not be offended when I come to your house with your annoying toy and slam it against your head until you have a migraine.


Wednesday, February 20, 2008

So annoyed.

Let me tell you I swear my mom can NOT get a clue sometimes. Really for a woman that I used to think was sooooo smart when I was younger I really wonder.

So we are heading up to our house this weekend to get it ready to put on the market March 1st. Mind you this house has been just sitting for the past month with no one living in it. We cut off all unecessary items (phone, cable, etc. ) but we are still paying for the power and the, gulp, mortgage. So as one can imagine we are antsy to get it on the market. I know it will continue to sit with the terrible housing market right now but at least we will know that we are trying to get rid of it.
That being said we haven't been to the house in about 3 weeks. Between Bud getting sick with the flu and my having to go to a funeral in the area last weekend we just haven't been able too. Also the last two times that we have been up my mother has guilted Bud into doing stuff at HER house. Never mind that we need to put ours on the market, it must be a priority that her stupid house gets worked on. One day Bud spent a whole day wiring her house for DirectTV. Now let me ask you does that sound like an emergency? No I do not think so.
So I was talking to my mom last night and she asked if we were coming up this weekend. I was like, "Um yeah." kicking myself the entire time for not lying about it.
"Well", she said, " I need Bud to do...." and she listed off a whole crap load of items. I was like, "Mom we need to get our house ready to put on the market." She said, "Well I just can't get ANYTHING done, I need help." (Yeah MENTAL help)
I said, "Look unless you would like to pay our mortage you'll let Bud and I work on the house."
She got all huffy and pissy. I really didn't give a shit. Talk about selfish.
So ya'll probably wonder why she needs help. Well my dad has a pretty high profile job in the Navy and is pretty much on the road 24/7. However, my mom can easily hire people. She really can.
Speaking of people who annoy me, my husband has the most obnoxious friend. We'll call him Fred. (Sorry to all of the Fred's out there)
Well the other night we went out for drinks with friends. Bud invited Fred. Without telling me.
So Fred was with his fiancee. Which is a relief since for years I was convinced Fred was gay. Actually it is still a possibility, the fiancee could be a clever cover.
Well let me begin with not only is Fred annoying but he is probably the biggest exaggerater in the world. No lie. If you met him you would understand. He's is one of those guys that will argue with you until the end. For example you can say someone's hair is blond he will argue it is brown. That should give you a generalization of how he is.
Well back to the other night. When we got there, Bud and I, it was just Fred and his woman. So Fred asked me if I had gotten a job yet. I told him yes. He asked what it was. I told him. He said, "How many calls did your dad have to make to get that job for you?" I was PISSED. I said, "Actually Fred I got this job all by my little self, I guess my COLLEGE DEGREE helped."
I said this to hit a sore spot with him since he received his GED and thinks he is a awesome. Yeah dropping out your SENIOR year. Stupid.
Bud knew I was pissed and changed the subject. Well then Fred went on and on about his suppossed 250K job he had working from home. He sounded like those late night infomercials.
At this point I said, "Fred I thought you were making 200K?" (Cause that's what he said LAST time, can't keep his lies straight.)
"I never said that, it has always been 250K." He said.
At this point our other REAL friends arrived and one said, "I like to go to work, interacting with people, actually feeling like I did something." This pissed Fred off. So he retorts, "Well I get to sit in my pajamas all day and work."
I said, "So nothing has changed huh?"
He decided he didn't want to talk anymore. Idiot. I hate people who brag about their incomes. I really do. Who cares how much you make? I won't like/dislike you anymore. I mean and the fact that he LIES about what he makes just floors me. Why would you lie about that.

Tuesday, February 19, 2008

It is already time for the sex talk - to a 3 year old?

Oh boy. Y'all are gonna love this one.

On Sunday night my good friend invited us over for dinner.
A lot of our friends that we have known for years were there all of which one are childless.
Well we took Bean since everyone just loves him and why wouldn't they?
Well the one that does have kids has an older daughter who is 8. She was having a sleepover and had 2 of her little friends over. So all three girls came (the one with kids is the sister of the hostess - got it straight? Good!) Well they (the three girls and Bean) were watching Shrek. Well two of the girls decided to watch something else, (Brats!) and went in the other room leaving Bean and one of the little girls. Well I was in there with Bean chatting with my best friends husband and his friend.
Well my little Casanova decided that since he was alone with this girl he would use it. So he kept petting, yes petting, her hair. Kinda like a dog.
Then he kept trying to kiss her. I was like, "No no Bean." Meanwhile the men folk in the room are snickering and complimenting my husband for his teaching techniques.
Well then Bean took his shirt off. Not totally unusual since he does this all the time at home. He then asked the little girl, "Do you want to see my boobies?" I about died.
My BF's hubby was trying so hard not to laugh. Well at least not louder than he already was. Well then Bean told the little girl to take off HER shirt and pants. I was like "No, that's enough Bean, knock it off."
Well then he starts to UNBUTTON his pants and asked her, "You want to see my lightning mcqueen???"
I decided it was time to go. I could not believe it! He has never called his little weewee his Lightning McQueen! Of course later when we left and I was talking to my hubby we were laughing since it was funny. But now I wonder if he will do it at school. I mainly think he did it since he had such a large audience of adults but I pray and hope that he never does it again!
Ah who am I kidding? I'm just glad he is interested in the ladies. Makes my life easier.

Friday, February 15, 2008

I'm already lagging in my posts.

And I just started my job!
Anywho I love the new job. I have my own office that I can not wait to decorate. My 2 bosses that I support are really nice and laid back and I have a feeling this will be where I work for years to come. So I am excited about that!
Let's see what else. Oh Valentine's Day was yesterday. Keri wrote a really sweet post reminding us what the day is really about but I must fuss since I am kind of no REALLY pissed at my hubby.

Yes I know that the day is meant to signify our love and yada yada. But when we first started dating 10 years (yes 10 years ago!), I swear he tried a heck of a lot harder at holidays.
I mean I am not asking for a five course meal at a fancy doo da restaurant but I do expect things like A CARD!, maybe just maybe dinner MADE for me, SOMETHING!
A little history for ya. Our first V-day together I was 15 Bud was 16. We had just had a major car accident 2 months earlier and were still recovering.
Well I bought him silk heart boxers, a heart cookie cake that said "Be mine." (That's how hubby asked me out.) He bought me a locket.
It was so sweet and we went to dinner.
Now fast forward to today. Last night we had SLOPPY JOES for dinner with the entire family. It sucked. I mean he could have made me dinner or SOMETHING. I got no card. No flowers.
Well I said something to him and he said, "I bought you a necklace last week." A default gift. Nice.
Anyways needless to say he DID NOT get lucky last night.

Friday, February 8, 2008

When did my kid become a man?

Let me tell you. Bean has really grown up in the past few months. He is cracking me up lately. Some of the phrases that come out of his mouth. I'll list a few samples of conversations he ans I have had in the past few days:

  • Bean: " Momma what is that noise?"
  • Me: "That's a plane Bean."
  • Bean: "Oh. Is it falling down?"
  • Me: "No baby. It is landing at the airport."
  • Bean: "Oh. Can I go ride it?"
  • Me: " No. Not today."
  • Bean: "Okay I fall down anyways."

Another one:

  • Me: "Bean what are you doing?"
  • Bean messing in my purse.
  • Bean: Nothing momma I need my make-up"
  • Me: "No Bean boys don't wear makeup"
  • Bean: "Yes huh I wear it"
  • Me: " Your a boy Bean"
  • Bean: " No I not I a man"


  • Me: "Bean what did you do in school today?"
  • Bean: I draw a picture and kiss a girl."
  • Me: "What! Kissed a girl who?"
  • Bean: My girfrwend chelsea"
  • Me: "Bean your too young to kiss girls."
  • Bean: "No I not I have lots of girls."
  • Me: "Your just like your uncle."

My favorite:

  • Me: "Bean NOW what are you doing"
  • Bean teeters on top of blocks he made into tower.
  • Bean: Big sigh. "Nothing momma just calm down." "Go to bed momma."

Yeah he is a trip.

Thursday, February 7, 2008


Oh yeah ! I got the job. I found out yesterday afternoon! I am soooooooo excited. I start next Thursday. Hopefully my blogging won't suffer!
Thank you all for your well wishes!

Tuesday, February 5, 2008

Please tell me why...

kids have to be more up our butt when we feel like crap. Do they sense it? I have felt like a large turd since Sunday night. I have a sinus infection. Probably from this crazy VA weather. It is 75 today! Crazy. It would be great if it stayed this way but those who live here know that the weather does flip flops like this all the time.
So anyways back to my rant.
I feel like pure turd or ass - whatever you prefer. I swear Bean senses it. I am trying so hard to be a good momma but it is so hard when your nose is running like a ice cream on a hot day and your head feels like someone is hitting it with a hammer. I am hacking up one of my lungs as well. I also have a fever, yay, so I get cold and hot. Apparently according to the doc I have a severe sinus infection. Nice whatever. It sucks.
And does my hubby offer to help. No. I have to ASK. WTH?
When his butt is sick you would think he was DYING. But me, ha, I can apparently keep on going.
I asked Bud last night to give Bean a bath and put him to bed and he was like, "in a minute." I just gave him the crazy eyeball and lo and behold his butt ran upstairs to do bath. Amazing what the crazy eye is capable of.
Why can't men sense we feel bad? Actually I think they know but want to see how much they can get away with NOT doing.
But Bean is whiny. Very whiny.
He wants to be held like a baby, he wants to play house. I want him to sit quietly and watch a video. Yeah right!
Of course compared to his dad he is being a real gem. And I don't get as upset with a 3 year old like I do with a 26 year old.
Enough said.

Friday, February 1, 2008

Had my second interview...

with the company I REALLY want to work for. I think it went well. I answered all of their questions and they smiled a lot. (It was with 2 older men). They said that I was still in the running and that they would make a decision by next week. I really hate to wait. SO now I am sitting here dissecting the interview for good things. I'm bad at overanalyzing.
So they did keep saying, "when you start working here." and things of that nature.
Oh wowsie. I hate this. A lot. Can you tell?

Bean is noisy...

I have recently noticed that my kids is loud. Really loud. I have no idea why but he always seems to be on the verge of shouting. Listening to him "talk" is ear piercing.
I am always telling him to use his inside voice. I know he has great hearing which is why I am wondering if it has something to do with attention. I guess he figures if he yells we will listen. Anyone else have this?