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Thursday, March 6, 2008

Breaking up is hard to do

Last night I had an emergency girl's night out. One of my best friends is going through a really bad break up.
Break ups are so much harder now than they were back in high school which is the last time I experienced one. Yeah I have been with my man that long!
So we went out for dinner and drinks which turned into no dinner and several drinks. I feel helpless. I really have no idea what to say. Except that I am here for her. Ugh. Someone needs to write a manual for this stuff.
Dealing with her break up made me think of my bad one. I was 15, yes I know too young for a true relationship. But he was my first love and I "thought" that was it. When I fall, I fall hard and fast.
We had been together for about 2 years. I was getting ready to turn 16. I decided I didn't want to have a boyfriend anymore. I wanted some freedom! Spring fever had hit and I really wanted to get out there an have a good time.
I called him on the phone with my best friend by my side. (Not the one above, the one with me at that time is my long lost sister, seriously).
So I told him that I really didn't want to date anymore. That there was no particular reason why just that I was young and wanted to see what was out there. Well he broke down. Crying and blubbering like a GIRL! I was shocked. Men aren't supposed to cry!
I remember stuttering something then hanging up! I didn' know what to do! It was so weird as though he and I switched roles!
Well later that night his mom called my mom! His mom said he was devestated and if there was anything my mom could do to change my mind. My mom told her that it was my choice and HELLO I was 15!
Well this continued for a few months. I had my fun, hanging out and casually dating. I loved it. It was so nice to just go with the flow.
Well this guy would show up all the time, at my house, at my best friends house. I started to screen calls to avoid him. It was pretty sad.
Well I guess he got over it cause finally he stopped stalking me.
I ran into him years later and do you know he started to stalk me AGAIN! I finally had to avoid him like the plague.
But it is funny you know. Break ups then were relatively simple. You called the person, said you were done, had a good cry and off you went.
As adults it becomes SO much more. There is property to divide, lawyers to be called, a true life change.
I pray that things go easily for her and that I never have to face it. Lord knows, I didn't do well with my high school break up! I would never survive an adult one!

4 comments:

Hyphen Mama said...

It is SO hard being an adult and having friends going through a break up. There is NOTHING you can say or do to make it better. And sometimes if you get too involved, you start looking at your own mate differently. Not good.

I think a couple of years ago, COOKIEBITCH wrote a funny about what girlfriends are supposed to do to help through a break up. Bring ice cream and fried foods. I don't remember the rest.

http://cookiebitch.typepad.com/cookiebitch/2005/09/breaking_up_is_.html

Teachin' this mommy new tricks! said...

So sorry for your friend. I hope she is okay! Best of luck!

Keri said...

I hope your friend pulls through this with her head held even higher...

Your high school story reminded me of a break up i did over the phone .. it was the 80's and Ice Ice Baby was number one... so i thought i was soooo cool when i left him a message on his anwering machine saying he was 'iced'... now i look back on it as geekdom to the tenth degree !

Lizzy in the Burbs said...

Hi!

Ugh! It is so hard knowing what to say or do when your friends are going through a break-up! Been there and it's not easy, especially when you like both of them! You're being a good friend by just listening and being there for her. There really isn't anything you can do for her, she'll get through it, it just takes time.

Hey, if you get a minute, stop by my blog, please. I tagged you for a meme, (only if you want to/have the time to) I know you're a busy lady!

Lizzy